YuinYin.com

Yuin Yin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:53:13 +0000

I’ve been overly overworked! Each time when I took leave, coincidently I will be ill. And so I spent all my holiday sleeping at home because I was too sick to get out from the house. Wasted all my leave. They minus medical leave from your annual leave you know. Cheat wan! And since I started working, I think 90% of my leave are medical leave.

2 weeks ago, I had unexplained skin rashes and urticaria for a week. Went to A&E, given a jab of IV hydrocortisone and IM Piriton, next morning the rashes came back again! And it goes on and on until my end of posting leave for surgical dept finished. That morning went back to work, I thought everything will be alright. But once I reached the hospital, the rashes started to spread all over my arms and legs. I was itching from head to toe, can’t even walk properly because I was busy scratching my butt both of my legs.

And then last week I took weekend off to go Ikea eat meatballs with unker Wingz. But I was having high grade fever at 39 °C for 2 days, coughing for 5 days and the rest was history – I spent a nice sunny weekend in bed. Sometimes I wonder, am I the patient or the doctor?

Regardless, if the patient is sick or having high fever, everyone will be very kan cheong (I know I do). And the doctor will give the patients long long MC (I’m a kind doctor, I give ppl long long MC for at least 5 days wan). But when the doctor is sick, no matter how bad it is, still have to work. By mercy, maximum MC we can get also 1 day. Don’t you think being an ordinary patient is better than being a doctor? WTF nobody cares for us wan?

Hopelessness in their eyes.

Yuin Yin — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 14:27:41 +0000

At last I finished neurosurgery. Couldn’t stand it any longer to be in this ward. It is really depressing at some point. Not the bosses. HOD and our MOs are nice and fun people. And I just got to know that one of my MO was my senior from SMKSJ and we live in the same neighbourhood. This is a small small world.

Everyone keeps asking me “Don’t you feel depressed looking at cancer patients? They all will die anyway.” To me, I’ll never give up on people with cancer because I know there is always hope for them. Even if they can’t survive, at least they are prepared and still have time to do things that they wanted to do, tell people that they love that he/she loves them before it is too late. But patient with brain injury, it is just sad. Young patient with brain death, it is even more painful to see them. One moment ago this person is there laughing with you, the next moment that person not going to wake up anymore. Her body is there, her heart is still beating but she is just not there.

Every morning when I do my morning round, someone’s mother or wife will walk up to me and ask, “when will my son/husband will wake up, walk and talk like how he used to do?” I don’t know how to answer them. Most of our patients here had been sleeping there for a long period of time. From Day 1 to Day X, GCS still 3. They are not much different from the dead except that they are still breathing and the heart is still beating. Otherwise they won’t open their eyes to look at you, they will not answer to your call, they won’t speak to you. It’s heartbreaking you know? To see parents/husband/wife waiting with false hope that their kid or spouse would wake up one day. There might be miracle but chances are very slim.

Neurosurgery is interesting. Being a neurosurgeon is so damn cool like Mr McDreamy from Grey’s anatomy. But this is not where I belong. I feel very sad looking at the patients. I feel helpless not able to do something for the family. I dislike this feeling of hopelessness.

I miss……

Yuin Yin — Wed, 05 May 2010 11:51:18 +0000

♥ chocolate flavor mille crepe ♥

Food foundry best! BBQ Lamb Chop! ^^

.................................and what's more important is the companionship

The last moment in life.

Yuin Yin — Wed, 05 May 2010 05:29:26 +0000

Few days back, I met a woman who went for chemotherapy in SJMC the same time with me. This time she came to the hospital looking very ill, with the cancer spread to the bones and liver. And nothing much can be done to help her except for palliative care – relieve her symptoms and let her pass each day comfortably. I feel very sad. Because I understood what she and her family are going through. I saw sorrow in their eyes. Her children cried for her just like how my little brother cried for me.

There was one moment when I was lying on the hospital bed thinking what would I want to do if I am dying. If I will die, I would want to spend every last moment with my family and friends. I would want to take a lot of pictures because when one left, only memory and photos will remain on earth. Life and dead, it’s natural that everything that live has to die one day, what differ is that the way you die. Are you happy before you leave this world or you have a lot of regrets because you still have a lot of things to do? That is why I feel that the best thing a doctor can do for the patient is not keeping them in the hospital. We should let her go home, be with the family. Because even though it might be a short period of time, it means a lot to the family members. At least they can have the last dinner together, dress up in their favourite clothings, be in the arms of the loved ones.

So I asked her if she wants to go home. Others might think that I just simply want to discharge her. But every extra day in the hospital = every extra day wasted. 1 day is equal to 1 year for someone who have so limited time left with the family, that’s why it is so precious.

If it is you, do you want to spent the remaining days in the hospital or at home?

The very last moment in life, where do you want to be? What would you like to do?

What have I became?

Yuin Yin — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 12:59:46 +0000

Sometimes I envied my patients. They always have their children and grandchildren accompany them everyday.

When my grandma was ill, I was still busy working in hospital trying to help someone sick to get better. I didn’t even know that her sickness was so severe because I was not there at home to find out and my parents never told me. When my grandma admitted to the hospital for the first time, I never knew about it and I was still busy working in the hospital until I got a phone call from my mother when things became worse and they couldn’t understand what the doctor trying convey. When she collapsed at home, I was still in the hospital working. I was oncall and I couldn’t go home and no one understood how bitter I felt. Until the day I had to let her go, I was still busy working in the hospital.

Tell me, what have I became?

This wasn’t suppose to turn out to be like this. I chose to become a doctor to protect my family. But why is it in the end I send other people family member home safe and healthy but I couldn’t do anything at all for my own grandma but watch her die?

You know, I feel like disappearing for few days or go into deep sleep for a month. I lost the direction in life, where I want to go and where I want to be in future. I miss home, I miss my grandma and I feel very empty right now.

7th day without granny

Yuin Yin — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:11:36 +0000

It’s been exactly 7 days without her. My maternal grandma passed away last Saturday night by my side, holding my hands. If you ask me, am I ok? Even though I nodded and smiled back, I am not okay at all but I had to let her go.

All that live have to die one day.

And all that left in this world is memory.

This picture is perhaps the most valuable treasure that my grandma has. She always kept it by her side.

If only you know how much we miss you right now…………….

My 1st card

Yuin Yin — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:54:05 +0000

It’s really boring to go back to work while still in holiday mood. Some more the next day go back straight away have to oncall. Saturday work until 11am only, beh tahan so went back to KL to shop at Pavillion. Haven’t been to Pavillion for 1 year+. Came back to look for Snowflakes actually but then found 1 in Pavillion =D so no need drive back to ss15 for it.

Nyum nyum.

Snowflakes bestseller cold. Unsexy name but this taste good. I love chewing those taro balls. ♥

The long awaiting AMEX card that belongs to me solely…… =D
Got it few days before CNY. Never got a chance to swipe it because all shops are closed during first few days of CNY but yea…. I can’t keep it virgin for too long. Hehehe.

The first item I bought with it is this pair of pink heels. It looks so cute lor! Especially on me. =P
It’s only Vincci. I thought I would spend myself on something really expensive but then at a second thought, the money should go into charity and helping people instead.

And how can I resist such a hot sexy red heels. Remember Beautiful Life? Takako Tokiwa played a crippled girl in there, she wished that she could walk in a pair of red shoes. Takuya Kimura bought 1 pair for her. If my prince coming to fetch me, please bring me a pair of red heels instead of that glass heels because the glass will break bcos I’m too fat. Lol.

I hope it matches my cheongsam. I want a really good artistic oriental theme photoshoot next.

Today is my last day in O&G. I am so relieved that it is finally is over.
This is such a dramatic and complicated department. Not because O&G is difficult but some people working in there got mental problem. Their hobby is backstabbing and making up stories. I kinda like O&G but if I’m going to work in O&G dept in future, I die also don’t want to work here lor unless there is changes in future. Is worse than dying actually. They torture you mentally. At the end of the day, you’ll end up having bipolar disorder like me.

Moving on to surgery next. I hope I’ll have a good time. Have a lot in my mind but I got no time to blog yet.

CNY is boring.

Yuin Yin — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 10:55:43 +0000

I wonder why do people celebrate CNY? It’s so boring. So boring. So boring.
It’s probably the most boring holiday in the whole year.

All shopping centers are closed.

All friends are gone back to their hometown. (=.= When i was in Ipoh no one came, when I’m in KL all gone back to ipoh. warafak !@$@%!!!)

I want to makan Snowflakes but it’s closed from 13th until 18th! Damn =.=

The weather is so hot! All I do at home is sleeping.

TV got nothing to watch also except for those really noisy and boring CNY songs.

I watched 14 Blades. Wu Chun is still so hot regardless wat u say. I think I gonna go for movie marathon tonight and finish watching all the available movies in the cinema.

Yea…. I missed those days when I’m in europe. Despite the hoo-haa CNY holidays, people still continue selling weeds in amsterdam, the chocolate shops in belgium will still be open, and Eiffel tower will still be crowded. I need a vacation. I want to go somewhere.

Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day.

bcos God knows…..

Yuin Yin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:53:30 +0000

I believe we should always be sincere to others.

I believe we should also do our best to help others.

Even though there might be some people who will not appreciate what you are doing, as long as you know that you are doing the right thing, God knows. He always knows.

I had a rough week last week, but something happened last Saturday. It tells me that God knows that who is good and who is bad. Those who do good, victory will always be by the righteous side. Those who do bad, one day they will be caught.

I feel kind of cheerful these few days. It is true that everytime your patient say thank you to you, it is a blessing. And maybe because of the blessing I get from them, I can feel the difference in me. The once clueless new HO in Ipoh GH, feel so glad and satisfied now when she managed to give mothers an alive crying baby when the child almost died from fetal distress. =)

Dear little babies, do you know each time you come out crying out loud, you make my day.

Cruel reality.

Yuin Yin — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:31:35 +0000

I discovered that life is cruel. Working as flight attendant with Emirates Airline earns more than a doctor. =.=

Minimum Basic RM3646
+Hourly Flying Pay
+Profit Share Scheme
+Company Provided Transport/Transport Allowance
+Accommodation Individual Bedroom
• Annual Leave
30 calendar days.
• Leave Tickets
Free annual leave tickets are provided to approved leave destinations for the employee.
• Personal Life and Accident Insurance
• Medical and Dental Provision
A premium is payable by the employee. .. etc

I wonder should I change my job? =D
Can travel a lot. Chances to find a handsome bf is higher!

Aaaaaaiiihhhh~ My back hurts! I kind of phobia of my job liao. Work 36 hours non-stop. No sleep. No eat. No time to go out shopping. T-T My social life is collapsing.

I heard gaoment is bankrupting. I heard from some internal ppl dat gaoment safety box in putrajaya is empty. And also I heard from my boss that gaoment is cutting doctor’s salary! =.= Tulan lor.