…. 不管留下了多少眼泪
坚持下去的动力还在
Nothing I Will Be Afraid
- adapted from Fly Away lyrics, F.I.R
Archive for the "Message from the heart" Category
The other night, we went out yumcha at restoran kayu in taipan. As everyone gets excited, the chatting continues and everyone exchange stories and laughed. But I suddenly stopped and start noticing that the lonely Yvonne sitting beside me feel left out. She starts connecting to the net and chat with people on msn. I looked around and then try to imagine myself in her shoe.
Sometimes I feel that we are so selfish because we have forgotten about Yvonne when the storytelling gets more interesting. Yvonne have lost her hearing in recent years, when I talk to her I need to write or type it out for her and she will reply me with a soft voice because she is afraid that she might be too loud and disturb other people because she couldn’t hear her own voice.
Sitting between us, unable to hear us means she couldn’t join in our conversation and her soft beautiful voice is covered by the pasar malam style shouting background. I felt her loneliness there. I know she tried hard to get our attention and try to take part in our conversation but she doesn’t know what we are talking about. I know what she is experiencing but all I could do is just watch her from the side.
Whenever I was with Yvonne, I would pay full attention to her and be sensitive to all her needs. As time passed, Yvonne is losing her body function one by one, each time I saw something new in her blog, I feel like a needle pricking my heart and yet I couldn’t do anything to help her. I wish that I own a pair of hand that could discover something remarkable that can cure Neurofibromatosis. But all I could do for her now is to love her and treasure her more than anyone in this world. When she needs help, I’ll help as much as I could. If I couldn’t afford to help then I’ll figure out a way to help her.
This coming November, Yvonne needs to go back to LA for medical check up. Charity auctions will be held from now on to help her raise her medical funds. Earrings, bracelets from VanityVault and corsets brought back from Russia by me will be auction off for this charitable cause. I am not a rich girl, the only thing I can do to help her is to model for her. Do lend me a hand to help my dearest friend.
The other day when we were at Halo cafe, volunteers from ShuangFu organisation were there to promote the organisation and to raise funds for the disabled. But sadly, I realised not everyone will care and take notice about them. Here I am, writing this post to introduce Shuang Fu (Double Happiness) organisation to the world out there. I hope everyone could give the disabled people a helping hand.
Shuang Fu (Double Blessing) was founded by Madam Shen Chiu Hsiang, who is a disabled person herself and her husband Rev. Ch’ng Joo Beng to enrich the lives of the disabled through training and building up their self confidence. It was officially open by Datuk Seri Dr. Fong Chan Onn, the Minister of Human Resources Ministry, Malaysia on 19th August 2001.
Currently they have this programme, just give rm10 to the organisation and you will be given a list to fill in 10 important dates and Shuang Fu will help to remind you your special date via SMS. In this way, you can help this charity body to raise fund and at the same time provide a job for the disabled. The card is available in all the participating outlets, so far I only know Halo cafe is one of the participant. The next time you drop by Halo cafe, besides dedicating songs for your loved ones, do a bit for the disabled. Fill in the card, give in rm10 and you will be able to help many people. Rm10 is a small amount to you but for the needy ones it can change lives. I have done my part, have you? Be a caring Malaysian today!
To find out more about this charitable organisation, click here..
This is my 101st post. To celebrate this, I tried my very best to present you a YuinYin.com that’s full of love. Errrh this template is only about 50% ready cos… ahaha u know la I so stupid, dunno how to play with wordpress so this successful halfway changing of the wordpress theme is helped by FoOie. Thanks buddy! And I disturbed him when he was halfway packing for tomorrow flight summore. Aih, paiseh. Full renovation/repairwork will be completed if I manged to figure out how to edit it properly or if I failed, then have to wait till FoOie comes back.
Everyone feels pain.
But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive.
Even with sports, studying or other ordeals.
With life, it’s like that for everyone.
If we can beat the pain on the other side,
a rainbow of happiness awaits us.
That will definately become a treasure.
Let’s believe in that.
This is adapted from 1 litre of tears - Kito Aya.
(Officially stolen from Gerald’s site cos he’s so emo =P)
It’s amazing how I managed to get through this and to be where I am now. Even I myself sometimes find that it’s so hard to believe. It feels like everything just happened yesterday. Everything happened so quickly and suprisingly without going into much deep thinking and consideration, I just somehow agreed to my doctor; “Yes”, “Ok”, “No problem”, “Go ahead”. I felt that someone was controlling over my body during that moment. Whatever result the doctor announced to me, I just nod and take things like it never something too big to affect my life at all. Though there were times when I feel extremely painful, I dropped a few tears and close my eyes, praying silently in my heart hoping that the remaining days will pass very quickly and the pain will disappear along with it.
3 months ago, things seems to be not right at all for me. Everything turn upside down and turn bad out of a sudden. I feel really broken hearted and lost at that time. And perhaps the worst of all, when something bad happened, people that you have trusted and supported over the the years decided to betray and leave you behind. But in the end, I managed to lift up my spirit and pull back myself together, start stepping forward again because I was left with no choice. Hurt, pain, sadness made my cancer cells grew faster. Throughout the 3 months, I was always in enthusiasm bearing a happy smiling face, trying my best to face the hell-like treament.
When all ended, suddenly for unknown reason, I feel some kind of sadness coming back to me again tonight. Perhaps because the wound in the heart hasn’t heal yet or maybe it will never heal. This kind of hurt caused by betrayal feels more painful than the pain caused by side effect of radiotherapy. Maybe I should have listen to what my psychologist told me, cut off all the connection from people who hurt me, then I’ll be able to live a happier life.
I am in a speed recovery now. I have just finished one of the big challenges in life. Life still goes on and another challenge awaits me. Despite all those weird glaring and negative feedback/gossips/rumours I get from people, I think nothing can hold me back from moving forward now. I am one one step closer to my dreams - which majority of people think it’s unrealistic. At least cancer bring me a new experience in life, it gives me a new perspective on life. I learn how to protect people’s feelings from getting hurt by other inconsiderate people. I learn how to comfort and soothes heart pain (sakit hati). I know and understand how it feels to be a bit different from a normal person. The insulting gaze I get from people, the unpleasant words that I heard…. sometimes it really hurts.
No matter what people got to say, cancer have certainly made my life more beautiful and I’m proud of it.
I have started to eat! Hooray! Though in a small portion but I’m glad I could eat again. It has been almost a week I’m on milk based diet, feels so much like a newborn lol. But hey most of the ulcers are gone now, I can open my mouth wide enough to swallow sushi! Haha so happy I get to eat Unagi sushi at Rakuen today. The Unagi was yummy~ Luckily still can taste it. I think I need about 1 month for me to get back my tastebuds to taste again. =( Baskin Robins taste awful in my mouth now, oooooohh can’t wait to taste the sweetness of orange sherbet topped with chocolate again! Went to find Yvonne just now but she seems very tired and exhausted and she was sleeping just now. I wonder when will her struggles with NF will ever end? I hope one day someone could find a solution to correct the genetic error, then NF patient don’t have to suffer so much.
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