Hooray!~ I received my first 22nd birthday present from UK today.

Hiak hiak hiak… from da bf of course! (Lol, he refused to be named! so have to censor the receiver’s name.)

With personalisation…..

He is my one and only special bear. You will never find another one in this world. Muaaaccckkks!~ Love you *K.

Have you seen the happy faces of people who received the cheque from advertlets yet?

My dream is love and protect the helpless poor children out there. Stepping into medical field would take me one step closer to my dream. But however 6 years of medical course is taking too long. Every minute, there’s a child starving and dying out there. A growing child needs sufficient food (for body growth), education (to seek knowledge and necessary survival skill) and medicine (because they are vulnerable to infection). And to do all these for a child, I need money.

I am still a student, jobless and penniless. People that I know already graduated, started working and earned enough money to buy their own car. Coming to know advertlets, they helps me to earn the money needed to save the children. The money that I will receive from Advertlets, I will use them to sponsor children at WorldVision. I want to sponsor a girl and a boy first, and then I hope Advertlets could help me earn more so that I could sponsor more children, bringing hope to their life.

Every moment there is a child praying for God to send a guardian angel to help them. Let’s be the guardian angel that they wish for.

“Advertlets has helped Yvonne to raise funds for her surgery. I want Advertlets to help me to help the starving children. Bring hope to the needy people out there through Advertlets today! What are you waiting for? Click here to join advertlets today! “Advertlets.com - Blog Advertising in Asia!”

One person couldn’t save the world, with many people we can. Together we will make a difference in life.“

今天他走了，好舍不得他哦。我对他的思念是无法说出来。我爱他，深深的爱着他。大狗熊，你知道我现在好想念你吗？

Ken left for UK at 2am today. I haven’t updated my blog these few days because I want to spend the remaining days with him as a normal gf. And besides internet have been down for 2 days, today after calling Telekom only the line came back. I have been a sick girl for almost 3 months+ and being with him as a healthy gf for 10 days. Time passed so quickly, this is the 2nd week of my recovery and soon on 3rd Oct I have to go back to Russia as well to continue my studies. I sent him off in a really cheerful mood but right now I’m sitting here feeling void. I just realized how I missed him so badly till my tears started flowing non-stop. I think I’m too used to seeing him everyday, listen to him tell me “I love you” everyday, so used to hold his big warm hand everyday, it feels so nice being in his embrace everyday. My central nervous system could not adapt to his sudden missing from my sight.

Though it’s only been 3 months together but it feels like 300 years.

I promised to write more about da bf. Sorry if I sounds too much like making a drama lol, blame the TV, too much of Korean love drama >_<. At the beginning, coincidently we were there in Dubai international airport on the 6th June 2007 but we missed each other by a few hours flight. Unintentionally, we were there on the same day, same place. And then he came to me during the lowest point in my life. He gave me comfort and a secret place to hide. No matter how terrible and ugly I looked, he will still tell me that I am beautiful; I will get better soon and become more beautiful. Everytime I cry for pain, he will be there to hug me and ease my pain. He watches me through every moment of pain and will always be there to catch me when I fall. He protected me when I’m vulnerable and guarded me like an angel.

He makes the suffering days during my treatment shorter with his presence. He never failed to give me a surprise in every visit and he always dropped me a surprise visit! On 4th week of my chemotherapy, he brought me some lovely cupcakes to cheer me up because I feel very down due to the unbearable pain. Though I couldn't eat them at that time, but my heart felt so sweet.

He bought me Nikon SLR D40 because he knows I like to take pictures (actually bcos I’m very poor la, couldn’t afford an SLR so bf buy for me >_<”). He doesn’t like to be photographed (he thinks camwhoring makes him looks gay) but he likes to take photo of me and he kept all my pictures everywhere; in his hp, his laptop. He brought me to the beach because I said I wanted to go for a walk, I need fresh air. He gave me a romantic candlelight dinner to celebrate my be-early birthday. He has done so much, so much for me. Even 4 hours before he was suppose to check-in in the airport, he bought me cupcakes with dedication this time.

After this, he will be busy with his studies and I, too got to catch up with my studies and have to complete 5 exams within 3 months because I need to rush back here for the next medical check up. People keep asking me, “so how, this will be a long distance relationship wor?” I seriously don’t know how to answer you. One in UK, one in Russia. If fate brought us together, perhaps fate will decide our future. What is important to us is now. I will treasure each and every moment together until the end. At least I feel loved and protected now. When I looked back into the past one day, I will not regret that I was truly in love once with a big bear which have a big warm heart.

We went to watch “Secret” together again yesterday before he left. This time, every words, every scene, every song bring a greater meaning to me.

“能够预见你已经是不可思议的。”

………..I love you, raebraebnek……….

Since I am recovering, I should blog more hor? Anyway, dunno why am I so tired today lol. Slept more than 12hours+, woke up at 2pm today. =P So damn tired… I wonder why. Need to send my body to mechanics to fix fix a bit lol.

Meanwhile, I find that I get visitors from as far as Canada… and sometimes even Finland! So I wonder should I write my post in proper english or just go on with our proud bahasa Malaysia.

And… hmmm i got myself a new camera! Nikon SLR D40! Yay, yay, yuinyin got a SLR =P. A lot of people tell me very “chor teng” la to carry such a big camera around. Yea, i did thought about that factor also. But after few days of deep deep serious consideration, I want beautiful pictures. I love photography but I never had a chance to get near this field bcos of my stubborn father. Haih. Classical parents - always want their kids to be lawyer, doctor, accountant, engineer… but hey nowadays these profession have the lowest earnings in the world leh. Oh well, that’s not the point.

I like capturing things that are meaningful to me. Not just taking human photos making (^_^)V peace sign. Not just camwhoring in the toilet (I realised everyone does this, why ah? Toilet smells nice is it? My bf’s brother love camwhoring in the toilet… probably that’s the last place on earth anyone would catch him fatt-hao-ing camwhoring there kua… -_-”). I want to keep pictures that share sweet memories with people, things that are meaningful to us. Whether it’s a cup of cappucino, our favourite restaurant and that specific table in the corner, your favourite food or things that makes us smile… I also want to keep it. In case one day, one of us missing in this world, I will not regret because at least we had left behind memories to people we loved.

The pictures, this is the proof of me living…

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Psssttt…. I will do some touch up for my blog, so who want to link to me? Leave me a comment.

In those our childhood all-time favourtie classical fairy tales produced by Disney… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty… though at first they lived a very difficult life but in the end, the prince will come to seek for them and they live happily ever after.

I read my ex-primary classmate blog yesterday. She too had ovarian cancer few years back in 2003. I can feel the same uncertainty that she felt all these years. I understand why she’s so kan cheong about her love life.

Cancer had made a big changes in our life. Though we recovered, more or less we somehow can never be the same person anymore. Other things that use to be very important; luxurious life, ambition, money etc become meaningless to us. We yearn for simplier things like love, comfort, security. Family, love, friends, children, siblings are the only thing we treasure. (That’s why u know why am I so desperate to get married now?)

I feel envious sometimes with other older patients. Most of them are happily married with few children. They get so much so support from their husband/wife and their children during the times when they have to go through cancer. I saw every bedside, there the husband/wife will be, sitting there holding their spouse’s hand making sure she/he is safe in their hand. I too desire for a husband for me to hold on to when I feel tired.

If we are still single, unmarried… it’s just so difficult. Guys there are always more fortunate than girls because girls are more soft-hearted and emotional. When the guy have cancer, most of the time the girl will choose to stay with him unless his gf is a total b*tch la. For girls, most of the time we’ll get dumped by our bf when they find out we have cancer. Not to say what, but I seriously think that guys they are much more selfish than girls. Like Edrei said, cancer can be inherited. But how true is this theory I wonder? Because of this theory, guys will think a zillion times twice before loving you. Because they worry that their future offspring will get cancer too.

None of my family member, relatives have medical history of cancer. I’m the first and the only one. Can I blame my parents for this? My parents did not give me cancer, they gave me only the best of everything. The other boy who have nose cancer also doesn’t have family history of cancer, so do the other auntie from sabah and that uncle from kepong. We did not ask for it and cancer just choose any victim they like.

In this world that we are living now, do you think normal healthy person can’t get cancer meh? Polluted air that we breath (idiots smoking in mamak stall dat we lepak, our stupid neighbour who must do open forest burning every few months and give us jerebu everywhere), fastfood that are convenient for us (McD, KFC, Burger King, etc), lifestyle ( boss never increase salary but make us work like mad, OT everyday no time to exercise and sleep well, living standard keep rising and fuel price increase again… STRESS!!!~~), emotional factors (depression, the thought of commiting suicide, etc etc).

Though a lot of times, cancer make us tougher and stronger in some way but sometimes it leaves us uncertainty in another part of life. Can we or will we be able to write the ending of our story with… “and they lived happily ever after”? Why can’t give us a chance? Because of the things we went through, we’ll definitely be a better wife and mother because we once almost lose our life and the most important things in our life.

…I want to live happily ever after…

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P/S: oops… sorry Edrei and xiaoyun, i accidentally ter-delete your comments while moderating. Mind writing it again? I read already though, dun worry. =_=… sigh somebody or anybody can teach me how to use that anti-spam programme? I am a total comp idiot…. goodness have accidentally deleted 4 comments from edrei, xiaoyun, pookyma, winshoo. SORRIE~