Today 22nd august 2007 is the last day of my chemotherapy.
Yay! still left 5 times of radiotherapy to go! Hopefully by next week, my ear is still safe from infection… damn painful wei until i couldn’t sleep well these 2 days. And of course must snap snap some pictures to remember the look on the last day of my chemotherapy mah regardless ugly or bea-tee-foo.

hahaha i tried my best to hold my smile ler. Got big ulcer at ngam ngam at the angle of my lips there. Can smile for this picture very good liao. So anyone giving me an applause? =D

Currently my surgical scar looks like this. Look like kena burn hor? Side effect from the radiotherapy. Hopefully it will heal nicely and turn back into normal skin color. Now my neck got 2 skin tone, the left side is fair and the right side is burned and tanned. Lol, people must be wondering what did i do to my neck… probably they think I tried to commit suicide using candle light trying to burn myself but tak jadi because halfway burning SpiderPig come to the rescue! Hahaha

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Questions of the day - I need help!
1) I want to change my template/ wordpress theme, can someone teach me how?
2) I want to upgrade my wordpress to the latest WP 2.2 version… can someone teach me how also?
3) I want to change the picture of the header… also need you to teach me!

All this while everything is done by Yvonne, she make the site and everything for me. I just write and post. So please seniors, hensem, smart guy would you mind sparing some time giving me tips or teach me? Ok in case I’m too stupid to understand then can you help me do it?

If you haven’t eaten anything yet… I would advise you come back and browse this site later. WARNING! super-watt-tatt-ugly picture ahead. Don’t believe me then sudahlor…

Nearly 6pm, I’m still sitting here waiting for my radiotherapist to give me a call. Today the computer jammed ler, dunno who idiot infect the computer with viruses from his body. Went SJMC at 12.30 noon, wait and wait… then suddenly one of the radiotherapist Nina came out and say sorry yea, the machine got stuck. And ngam ngam lunchtime!!!! Technician, engineer… including nurses and doctors hampalang all went out for lunch liao. =_=… sigh so the front desk girl suggest me to go home first. When they fix the machine liao, will give me a call. Uuurrrggghhh why do I feel like I live for my therapies only….. everyday got to change my plans according to my radiotherapy schedule. A bit fed up la. I hope SJMC management will improve in future. Patient already so sick and spent so much money there… why make us wait for so long?

Ouuuccchhh my lower lips got blister now. Last week was my upper lips. So painful. My mum have to grind the rice before cooking it so that I could swallow it better. Ah-ah, she’s not letting me go without eating anything this week because previously I already lose 1 kg of weight. Some more now losing blood from menstruation, I will definitely faint later when I go for my chemotherapy tomorrow morning.

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Today is the beginning of week 4 of my treatment. Wow, I’m already halfway through. Miraculously, without using morphine, my pain started to decrease a lot since last friday. Thank you everyone that have prayed for me. I don’t know how to thank you more. And I owe 5xmom a BIG THANK YOU AND HUGGIES for linking to my site. =) Feel so proud to have a famous blogger such as her to notice this sick girl.

And oh, since the pain is reduced, I can start eating again. My mum actually let me taste some porky!~ =) Yummy~

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5 days I haven’t eaten anything except for a few spoonful of plain porridge every meal just enough to filled in my stomach so that I can take my medicine. I lost about 1 kg. Lol, if this go on for another month until my treatment finish, I gonna weight 42kg only by the end of the treatment! =) faster than Slimming sanctuary! Can sell off my uZap also. Wah so kool, now the baby fat on my arm and face gone liao. Woohoo~ =P Now can save some money on liposuction.

I asked today Dr.Foo how long the pain will last.
She said “until your treatment finish”.
I was like “harh…. means still got 1 more month to go!”.
Dr.Foo: “Yes, that’s why I have to help you stop the pain so that you can continue eating, girl. I have to give you morphine liao. The side effect of morphine is you will feel a bit drowsy drowsy but don’t worry you won’t get addicted.”
Me: =(… *sob *sob… there goes 1 month of my beautiful summer vacation….

Now even drinking 1 sip of water can cause enough pain to make me cry. Can you imagine how many tears I dropped already? Oooh and I think I kinda lose my taste buds temporarily. I couldn’t taste sweet things. Yesterday I ate my mum birthday’s cake and I thought my sister bought such a terrible tasting cake. But today also the same, I ate orange sponge cake and it’s tasteless to me. EEeeewww…. no wonder I dun have appetite to eat also because everything is tasteless to me. I think I just have to stick to porridge for this one whole month.

See… I kena poked twice this morning because my hand is so small, my vein also so small… Pauline the nurse is having hard time to find my vein. When finally manage to insert the cannula, no blood is coming out lol. Cos they need to take some blood sample for full red blood count in case I have anemia or neutropenia. But frankly speaking SJMC got a lot of beautiful and sweet nurses around. I just love them! How I wish i’m a guy so that at least I can pikat and marry them =P.
(P/S: Lucas I think you’ll love to be here. hahaha~)

This is the drug for my chemotherapy. Cool leh. I somehow love that label a lot. I wonder if they have extra. I want to keep it as collection.

My doctor gave me lidocaine to make my tongue, my gum and mucosa numb first so that I can eat anything without pain. But eeeuuuuwwwwkkkk…. the lidocaine taste horrible~ And I have to keep it in my mouth for several minutes till my tongue started to feel numb then swallow it. Suddenly… the will to eat gone~ And there my morphine to kill the pain!

I don’t understand why parents always have to be so stubborn. I ask my mum can I have a bite of daddy’s stir-fry pork please? I already ask nicely and added the word “please” wud. I only ask her for a bite of meat and she start talking to me in loud tone and emo emo… and then cry. Really… can someone tell me what should I do? I’ve been eating those organic food for 2 months long every single meal!!!! I body can sense my red blood count is going low, that’s why I have this desire to eat meat so much, basically I want bloody food!!! (oh why i dun eat beans for my iron blood supply? bcos i hate beans… i hated the way they smell.) Arrrrggghhh why the boy opposite my bed can happily eat nasi lemak and I can’t? The auntie besides me eat hokkien mee leh~ And that apek at bed number 3 eat fried chicken wing! >_<” uuuwwwaaaa I cannot tahan liao lar~~~~~

Right now I got so tired and so sick of organic food. Hearing the word “organic” makes me shiver and trigger my vomiting center in my brain. Suddenly I wish no one ever introduce organic food to the world. Ish……

I smell blood… and I want blood. *lick lick. Why do I suddenly feel like a vampire? <.<”

I become weaker with each radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Today I try to eat “pan mee” to fill in my empty stomach, but I ended up vomiting out later. This is my first vomiting since the treatment started. I met Dinesh at ss19 just now eating “pan mee”. He said i look very “chan” (weary) already. Yea, i know. It’s the side effect from those therapies.

Yesterday evening, I suddenly “collapse”. I’m not sure how to explain this. At first i was feeling drowsy and then the next moment I just dropped on my bed and unable to wake up, unable to move my body no matter how I tried. Then i just let it be and sleep for a while. Very weird feeling, I was very weak, very tired. Probably I’m running out of energy because these few days I didn’t eat much. I wanted to eat but I just couldn’t withstand the pain and then stop eating. If I try to force myself to eat more, I’ll end up vomiting everything out.

It’s just so difficult. I feel hungry and tired and wanted to eat but I just couldn’t bear the pain. Tramadol hydrochloride not effective enough for me as painkiller. I think Dr.Foo have to give me morphine soon and also IV glucose since I couldn’t eat.

Right now the only one that can cheer me up, accompany me to sleep, stay with me…. is my teddy bear. Bear bear 辛苦你了。