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7 months and 20 days have passed, hairs have grown out from the area where the hairs lost due to radiotherapy. The new hairs look funny though. I wonder why is it so curly.

Everytime I look in the mirror, I can’t stop laughing at this tiny bush of curly hair. I wonder if it is radiotherapy effect as well.

My skin is still hyperpigmented around the wound. I think I can’t cut my hair yet in thin coming summer holiday because I can’t expose this part of the skin to UV light.

Sometimes, my wound feels very itchy to the extend that I couldn’t sleep at all at night. I guess the healing process is taking place beneath the skin layers. But it is taking so long to heal. And when it itches, the sensation on my skin feel not right. No matter how hard I scratch, I couldn’t ease the itchiness. Somehow it feels like I’m scratching on one part, the itchiness come from another part though I feel it right there on that spot. Did my sensory nerve fibers got messed up? Hmmmm……

I feel very tired though. Sleep was never enough for me. Oh… because I sleep a lot, I actually gained weight! Haha… now weighing 47kg lor. I better stop growing sideways or else can’t fit into my jeans anymore. April is a happening month. So many people birthday fall in the month of April. And I partly gain weight because I ate too much cakes! =P Have been eating cakes everyday lor in this week. Tomolo got another 2 more cakes to cut ler. Cheesecakes, banana cake, chocolate cakes……… so yummy! but fattening!

Today is Qijie’s birthday, tomolo is his sister’s but the age gap between them is 1 year. Their father very keng hor? Count the date properly and give birth to his kids on almost the same day but different year. Do you know that after delivery, a woman uterus can only restore its function after 3 months? And full term of pregnancy takes 9 months. 9+3= 12 months/1 yr. It means his dad, straight away go into action right after his mum recover from previous childbirth and one shot kena lottery lor. So accurate summore. I wonder that year if they got kena 4D first prize.

I used to never like cheesecakes. I feel nausea after eating them. But one day I discovered that how delicious it is. This blueberry cheesecake from Secret Recipe was the first cake I ate, the first cake I could taste after my taste buds lost function due to radiotherapy. I still can remember that taste vividly in my mouth. That is the only taste that stays in my mouth when other cakes tasted bitter or sour to me.

3 months later, now the function of my taste buds has recovered. And the 1st cake I chose to eat is the same cake because it means something to me. People like to take every bodily function that they have for granted but one day when you lose one of this minor function, you will realized that how difficult it was to carry on your life like normal.

I love to eat and I enjoy good meals. Unable to taste anything with my tongue, that was the most torturing moment in my life. I hope everyone would appreciate their ability to taste. Without this function, even the most delicious food will make you puke. You could smell it, desire to eat it but when put in your mouth, it taste perverted and you will feel like giving up on eating forever.

Being able to taste is indeed a great gift from God. I hope everyone will appreciate and enjoy every meal that you take.

Going through that disease that is near to death made me more sensitive and alert to everything related to it. Before this, I never notice it, never knew it’s presence and never understood it’s influence. But now I saw, I felt the pain, I shared that anxious feeling. Lately, cancer haunt many people in my life. Wherever I go, the word cancer is inevitable, it follows me or perhapsit has always been there but I never notice it.

My roomate have sudden enlargement of thyroid gland, the teacher recommend her to visit the department of oncology for diagnostic evaluation. Probably she have to undergo surgery to remove the thyroid gland. My friend had hyperplasia of clavicle lymph nodes, tomorrow my teacher will do a biopsy for him. Today we study about lymphoma, cancer of lymphoid tissue which makes him more anxious about his diagnosis and he’s worried sick that he’ll never make it to 30 years old.

Is this something got to do with the Chernobyl radiation? Or is it something got to do with bad FengShui? Or is it because we all are in Russia? Cancer suddenly became a common issue among us. I didn’t see my patient yesterday and today. I think she passed away. She had blastoma of the stomach stage 3. Our teacher said her prognosis is bad, she might not survive for long. But few days ago when I visited her, she was a cheerful lady, very positive with her life and then the next day she is gone.

Life.
One moment it is in your hand. Another moment it is gone.

Is there anything that you promise someone but haven’t done? Like promise to cook a nice dinner for mum, promise a friend we’ll go to the beach together, promise your brother that you would play with him.

Don’t delay what you promise them, for you never know that if you’ll never have that chance to fulfill that promise anymore.

As I was studying for the paediatrics practical exam today, I don’t know how from bronchial asthma move to diabetes mellitus and then jump to leukemia then I found this sentence.

For cancer patient, CURE is defined as more than 5 years of remission.

I have lived for 55 days including today since I finished my treamtent. So I still have 4 years and 310 days to go.

5 years later from today, I hope I’ll be happily married with 2 kids. And probably I will become an oncologist too.

You see…. I have been very very lazy hor these days. I spend all my time in sleeping and studying only. No matter how much I sleep, I will still feel very tired and exhausted. And these 2 days I feel pain at the occipital region and my post-surgical wound hurts. Maybe because of the cold weather, my skin becomes dry and it stretches the wound so it hurts me a lot.

And probably because I stress myself too much that’s why I feel headache. And at the same time, I am currently reading about ENT. Each time I found a similar symptom I’m having, I would suspect that I might go deaf or something. But what I’m afraid the most is, what if the cancerous cells did not die and it metastasize to a new region?

I’m still under a probation period. Not until the next MRI scan to confirm my status, I am still a cancer patient. Diet, environmental factor, rest is essential to me that…. I slept throughout my paediatric class =P. I’m so so tired and my darling *K ran away. To say that I don’t feel hurt or sad, I’m just lying. It began on the 18th, and end on the 18th. Oh how I hate the number 18! So fairy tales never exist. Not at all.

Uuurrrggghhhhhh…. today is saturday but I still have to go for class. And the paeds teacher is getting more and more naggy everyday or maybe I was just too tired to stay focus in her class. Sometimes Russian can be very annoying if they try to pretend that they are very hardworking.