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Sometimes I wonder why do normal people who don’t have any serious problems try to find some problems and worry themselves to the extend of committing suicide. It is worth wasting your wonderful life away for some stupid little things like relationship that doesn’t work out? There are so much more beautiful things out there in life.

And I paling geram is these people they know that they have problems and these problems are not worth their time and effort to feel depress about and yet they still want to stay in it over and over again for weeks and months. .

Lately I couldn’t help myself from feeling down because I’m surrounded by depressing people, depressing weather and environment, and probably because I’m also in the middle of stress for exam. I feel so scared to go back to square one where I was once very depressed as wll. I don’t have mood to study in such condition I am in now. I wish I could lock myself away in a secret chamber. Away from everybody. I hate crowd, I hate to socialize with people here. I need to be alone now and concentrate on what I should be doing.

You know, Yvonne’s friend Lori Miller has passed away recently due to stage 4 adenocarcinoma of the breast. Allysa’s aunt passed away due to colorectal cancer, 3 years after her cancer treatment. And there are many many more cancer patients who struggled hard to live each day. I am one of them. Mine was stage 3 acinic cell carcinoma. Though there is no distant metastasis and my doctor told me my prognosis is good but there are still chances that I might lose my life anytime.

Each moment I have right now, I don’t want to waste it feeling depress along with other people. Other people have a long long way to go in life, and I envy them. I envy them because they are so damn healthy and have such a long way ahead that they can simply torture themselves with stupid things. Make a big thing out of something very small and make the whole world worry for them. Made their parents cry and had sleepless night worrying for them. Refuse to eat. Refuse to do anything. Just lie there all day long feeling depressed.

I have an uncertain future. I’m not sure how long I am going to live. But I know I couldn’t afford wasting my time doing things that are unnecessary and worthless. I really hate people who torture their own life. I wish I could walk up to them and hit them hard in their head until they realize there are so much more important things to do than sit here all day long thinking about stupid things.

So he doesn’t love you, so what? Family, friends will still love you. The destined one for you will appear when the right time comes. Love is just one of the small matter in life. Other people got something bigger to worry such as about how long more could they live, how long more do they need to starve, will they ever recover from being sick, etc and yet they are still going through each day with a happy smile on their face, never think of giving up even once. But committing suicide because of love? I think this is really stupid.

Sssshhhheeesssshhhh……I think I have gone out of insanity now.
Errrhh, right. Need to continue study… acute otitis media, labyrinthitis, mastoiditis….

Next wednesday got ENT (ear, nose and throat) final exam.
And now my previous ulcer did not heal and gets bigger. And in addition to it, another baby ulcer appear next to the previous one. “Koi wui” lor…. so painful~~~ chewing is painful. brush teeth also painful!

EEeeeekkkkk~ 40 more days going home!!!
*stress *stressssssss….. still got 2 more final exams to finish.
Suddenly got 3 pimples pop up on my face liao.
Appetite also increase excessively… >< I think I'm gonna be very very fat when I reach KL.

Aih~ aih~ And still haven't shop for souvenirs. Hmmm... who should I buy for?

*Yawn... okla it's 2.30am here. Ehehehe I think I better go sleep before I started to hallucinate.

I wonder how is pookyma doing with his STPM? Our legendary tall tall hensem guy with curly hair ahahah.

Aza aza fighting! Ganbatte kudasai!

Dear blog,
I feel very tired today somehow. Once I fall asleep, I refuse to wake up. I hate people who keeps knocking on the door knowing dat if nobody answer means we’re sleeping la! And with each knocking sound, I feel as if my brain is displaced from its position. That’s how irritating it is.
And I have an ulcer in my mouth.
And my mouth feels very dry because I don’t have the normal amount of saliva as it should be. And I almost choke myself while eating fried beehun yesterday because there is no saliva to facilitates the food entering my esophagus. As a result I eat 2 times slower than other people and I eat 3 times lesser than other people because my gastrointestinal tract will upset if I eat more.

I have another 5 more weeks here. 2 more final exams to sit. I wish that time could pass faster. I want to go home. There are plenty of questions in my head that I want to ask Dr.Foo. And the right side of my face is still swollen. Each time I take picture, I try not to cover my right face with my hair. Hair finally grow from the bald site. I could feel those soft little hair with my fingertips. It feels like a teddy bear’s fur. 2 weeks before this, I feel very itchy from this site because the hair is budding out.

I miss home so much.
There are only 2 places in this world that I feel safe. First is my house, second is to be in Ken’s arm. I had a bad dream during my afternoon nap just now. I dreamt that I never get to see Ken this coming winter. I feel very upset. When I woke up, I knew that I want to go to him as soon as I finished all my exams and classes here. Dear darling, I miss you so much. I wish you were here by my side. I miss the time that I spent in the hospital very much because Ken will be there by my side everyday.

I am so broke. Previously I had spent so much on my health and everything become more expensive here. How I wish at this time, I could win a lottery or something like that. Everyone have financial crisis now. Though I wanted to help out some other people very much but I couldn’t because I need to save the money for myself. =_= I feel really guilty for not being able to help. Ish, sometimes I feel so envious of the rich. When everyone else is starving, the rich still can shop for Gucci handbag, buy new clothes, dine in expensive restaurant, hi-tea in 6 stars hotel. If one day I would be rich, I will use it for charity, to help other needy ones.

And uuurrrrggghhh… the internet server is making me mad. It goes up and down as it likes. And made me missed the photohunt yesterday and now I still having problem with uploading photos to my blog. Haih… I paid rm200 for 500MB only summore. This month, if you don’t see my batang hidung in ur blog, I’m so sorry…. I need to save up the internet bytes until end of next month till I go back to malaysia.

If you are a regular visitor of YvonneFoong.com, you will know that Yvonne’s dad need money for surgery to remove cataract. Mr.Foong Kok Kee, 66, an unemployed and uninsured patient who suffered brain trauma years ago.

They need RM4,000+ in total to remove Papa Foong’s Cataracts from both eyes. Removal from 1 eye cost rm2000.

I know RM4000 is not a very big amount. If everyone could chip in a little bit, then we could collect this amount in no time. Would you do Yvonne a little favor please?

Yvonne hold another auction to raise funds for papa foong. If you are interested, please click on the link below to bid.

FRIVOLOUS BELL

Vanilla Remix

Choco Bites

Pictures of the bracelet and earrings will be available at ebay page. Sorriee….. internet here these days got some problem, unable to upload picture. =_= sigh…

I feel very calm and peaceful right now. There isn’t anything that can trouble me. I feel so happy that my heart could smile. My heart feels relieved from a lot of burden.

Maybe I am changed. Changed in some ways but the original me is still me. I still love life, I still want to do my best to give life a second chance to live. Of course, from the day I was diagnosed with cancer, I have already changed. I’m a cancer patient in the stage of remission now. Not a healthy girl.

But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying my life, living it to the fullest without regrets.

I’m enjoying my life as much as I could. I love watching the blue sky, watching the children run and play. I love doing things that I like; baking, taking photos, traveling. Simple happiness.

Happiness is simple and easy to be achieved but often we tend to overlook it. We think too much. We made things more complicated and in the end because it’s too complicated, we couldn’t solve our problem and dwell in it. And we become upset and depressed.

I’m happy because I could talk to my parents. I’m happy because I have eaten 1 Magnum ice-cream today. I’m happy because I could hear from Ken everyday. I’m happy because Huimin, Belle, Liyi are happy and doing fine. I’m happy because I could have a cup of hot Milo before going to sleep.

Yes, happiness is that simple. It depends on how you look at it. Why do you keep frowning when you can smile?

Life is short but I want to keep my happiness long. I want 99% of my life filled with smiles.

Chocolate fondue with fruits anyone? Have a nice day, everyone!