今天他走了，好舍不得他哦。我对他的思念是无法说出来。我爱他，深深的爱着他。大狗熊，你知道我现在好想念你吗？

Ken left for UK at 2am today. I haven’t updated my blog these few days because I want to spend the remaining days with him as a normal gf. And besides internet have been down for 2 days, today after calling Telekom only the line came back. I have been a sick girl for almost 3 months+ and being with him as a healthy gf for 10 days. Time passed so quickly, this is the 2nd week of my recovery and soon on 3rd Oct I have to go back to Russia as well to continue my studies. I sent him off in a really cheerful mood but right now I’m sitting here feeling void. I just realized how I missed him so badly till my tears started flowing non-stop. I think I’m too used to seeing him everyday, listen to him tell me “I love you” everyday, so used to hold his big warm hand everyday, it feels so nice being in his embrace everyday. My central nervous system could not adapt to his sudden missing from my sight.

Though it’s only been 3 months together but it feels like 300 years.

I promised to write more about da bf. Sorry if I sounds too much like making a drama lol, blame the TV, too much of Korean love drama >_<. At the beginning, coincidently we were there in Dubai international airport on the 6th June 2007 but we missed each other by a few hours flight. Unintentionally, we were there on the same day, same place. And then he came to me during the lowest point in my life. He gave me comfort and a secret place to hide. No matter how terrible and ugly I looked, he will still tell me that I am beautiful; I will get better soon and become more beautiful. Everytime I cry for pain, he will be there to hug me and ease my pain. He watches me through every moment of pain and will always be there to catch me when I fall. He protected me when I’m vulnerable and guarded me like an angel.

He makes the suffering days during my treatment shorter with his presence. He never failed to give me a surprise in every visit and he always dropped me a surprise visit! On 4th week of my chemotherapy, he brought me some lovely cupcakes to cheer me up because I feel very down due to the unbearable pain. Though I couldn't eat them at that time, but my heart felt so sweet.

He bought me Nikon SLR D40 because he knows I like to take pictures (actually bcos I’m very poor la, couldn’t afford an SLR so bf buy for me >_<”). He doesn’t like to be photographed (he thinks camwhoring makes him looks gay) but he likes to take photo of me and he kept all my pictures everywhere; in his hp, his laptop. He brought me to the beach because I said I wanted to go for a walk, I need fresh air. He gave me a romantic candlelight dinner to celebrate my be-early birthday. He has done so much, so much for me. Even 4 hours before he was suppose to check-in in the airport, he bought me cupcakes with dedication this time.

After this, he will be busy with his studies and I, too got to catch up with my studies and have to complete 5 exams within 3 months because I need to rush back here for the next medical check up. People keep asking me, “so how, this will be a long distance relationship wor?” I seriously don’t know how to answer you. One in UK, one in Russia. If fate brought us together, perhaps fate will decide our future. What is important to us is now. I will treasure each and every moment together until the end. At least I feel loved and protected now. When I looked back into the past one day, I will not regret that I was truly in love once with a big bear which have a big warm heart.

We went to watch “Secret” together again yesterday before he left. This time, every words, every scene, every song bring a greater meaning to me.

“能够预见你已经是不可思议的。”

………..I love you, raebraebnek……….