In those our childhood all-time favourtie classical fairy tales produced by Disney… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty… though at first they lived a very difficult life but in the end, the prince will come to seek for them and they live happily ever after.

I read my ex-primary classmate blog yesterday. She too had ovarian cancer few years back in 2003. I can feel the same uncertainty that she felt all these years. I understand why she’s so kan cheong about her love life.

Cancer had made a big changes in our life. Though we recovered, more or less we somehow can never be the same person anymore. Other things that use to be very important; luxurious life, ambition, money etc become meaningless to us. We yearn for simplier things like love, comfort, security. Family, love, friends, children, siblings are the only thing we treasure. (That’s why u know why am I so desperate to get married now?)

I feel envious sometimes with other older patients. Most of them are happily married with few children. They get so much so support from their husband/wife and their children during the times when they have to go through cancer. I saw every bedside, there the husband/wife will be, sitting there holding their spouse’s hand making sure she/he is safe in their hand. I too desire for a husband for me to hold on to when I feel tired.

If we are still single, unmarried… it’s just so difficult. Guys there are always more fortunate than girls because girls are more soft-hearted and emotional. When the guy have cancer, most of the time the girl will choose to stay with him unless his gf is a total b*tch la. For girls, most of the time we’ll get dumped by our bf when they find out we have cancer. Not to say what, but I seriously think that guys they are much more selfish than girls. Like Edrei said, cancer can be inherited. But how true is this theory I wonder? Because of this theory, guys will think a zillion times twice before loving you. Because they worry that their future offspring will get cancer too.

None of my family member, relatives have medical history of cancer. I’m the first and the only one. Can I blame my parents for this? My parents did not give me cancer, they gave me only the best of everything. The other boy who have nose cancer also doesn’t have family history of cancer, so do the other auntie from sabah and that uncle from kepong. We did not ask for it and cancer just choose any victim they like.

In this world that we are living now, do you think normal healthy person can’t get cancer meh? Polluted air that we breath (idiots smoking in mamak stall dat we lepak, our stupid neighbour who must do open forest burning every few months and give us jerebu everywhere), fastfood that are convenient for us (McD, KFC, Burger King, etc), lifestyle ( boss never increase salary but make us work like mad, OT everyday no time to exercise and sleep well, living standard keep rising and fuel price increase again… STRESS!!!~~), emotional factors (depression, the thought of commiting suicide, etc etc).

Though a lot of times, cancer make us tougher and stronger in some way but sometimes it leaves us uncertainty in another part of life. Can we or will we be able to write the ending of our story with… “and they lived happily ever after”? Why can’t give us a chance? Because of the things we went through, we’ll definitely be a better wife and mother because we once almost lose our life and the most important things in our life.

…I want to live happily ever after…

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P/S: oops… sorry Edrei and xiaoyun, i accidentally ter-delete your comments while moderating. Mind writing it again? I read already though, dun worry. =_=… sigh somebody or anybody can teach me how to use that anti-spam programme? I am a total comp idiot…. goodness have accidentally deleted 4 comments from edrei, xiaoyun, pookyma, winshoo. SORRIE~