True friends can read my mind and would understand that i’m a bit emo lately. Yes indeed, I’m a bit upset. Though I might appear to be strong, tough and independent like what people think, but the stronger i looked, the more vulnerable I am. I am always trying my best to protect others and sometimes I do need protection too. When i have to face so many bad things in a row alone, I feel pressurized. I’ve learnt to protect others because I understand the need of being protected when you feel very down. But sometimes inevitably I feel hurt as well. I am a human with emotions; of course once in a while I will break down. Me too, sometimes need to seek for comfort and protection.

And I feel a bit bitter with the world these days. The world had definitely turned upside down. True love no longer exist, only lust. Today he can tell you he will give the world to you, love you forever. Tomorrow, you will find him having sex with a 17 yrs old girl. And yesterday promises becomes nothing. [Note: I'm not having anything against 17 yrs old, just a figure to fill in there. Just coincidently, 17 yrs old… is the age of that 3rd party, that happens to hurt a few friends i know.] Medical students… we all really have a screwed up love life.

Life is a difficult journey to begin with. Every path is filled with thorns. If you are not careful, you might step on it and injure yourself. Pain is inevitably, it’s just needed to be there for us to learn to be better. Each time you fall, you learn to stand up faster and stay firmer so that no one can push you down again.

Fairytales and Cinderella, they are liar. Don’t give hope to someone if you know you will hurt them very much in the end. It is very cruel if you suddenly take away that source of hope from their hands. Sometimes living in hopelessness is not a really bad thing either. At least, you will strive harder for that hope and once you catch it with your own hand; no one can take it away from you.

I am feeling a bit cranky now. One friend said, he understands bcos patient with cancer is unpredictable. It’s not my fault. It’s the cancer cells fault for secreting excessive not needed stress hormones. Urrrggghhh I’m desperately need to get rid of them so that I can become normal again. I swear, i don’t curse and talk vulgar words when I’m more normal than normal. *sigh, what have gotten into me? I can’t even control myself sometimes. Is like I’m living in someone’s body.

I am trying to move forward step by step. I just need some time.